Surviving & Thriving

Assalamualaikum everyone.

Time flies really fast and now I'm in final year already?! I couldn't expect this happens very quick. Like wehh aku tak ready lagi nak habis degree. And now I start to doubt myself. Am I born to be in this field? Am I smart enough to be in this field? The most critical part is whether I am ready to be a pharmacist? I never imagined that I would be a pharmacy student since I was a child because my dream is just to be a teacher. Specifically a mathematics teacher. Why math? I also don't know. Genetics maybe. Unfortunately, life leads me on an unexpected journey. My heart chose pharmacy. And I don't know the answer until now. But I know He already planned what is the best for me. 

Orang lain rasa kita bijak dalam course ni tapi in real life "Ya Allah akulah manusia paling bo***". I'm always insecure with intelligent people. "Kenapalah aku tak bijak macam dia ek" is on my mind every single day and it's too painful saying congratulations to everyone when I can't even congratulate myself. 

The last time I was a top scorer was when I enrolled in Foundation in Science. Getting CGPA of 3.7 and above was easy. Petik jari je. Then I got into degree. 1st semester was tough, but 2nd semester and above was tougher. Ist sem pun dah barai. But Alhamdulillah, my CGPA started good and maintain until now. But for 6 consecutive semesters, I never got DL. Of course, I dreamed of getting one, at least ONCE. My mama asked me "tak dapat dekan ke"? Damn. It's hurt bro. I literally cried when I read that. I just think that getting a DL is no longer my goal now. Because with DL or not, I still have to do my PRPship. And also, I feel like what's important for me is that, I understand what I'm learning and I know what I'm doing. Of course sometimes I feel pressure so I want to take care of my mental health. Just enjoy this learning process and be at my own pace. For me, I think I'm doing okay. Not excellent, but good.

Since this is 4th year, my final chance to get DL. I've had enough with "asal lulus je". Let's dream more girl. Still at my pace, working on that DL, but no longer my priority. You know what I mean? May Allah ease everything throughout this final year. 

p/s: The funny part is that I dream of pursuing a Master's degree walaupun degree dah hujung nyawa skskskskks

Stay positive nis. You can do it! (but crying inside). Doakan yang baik-baik untuk saya, awak dan kita semua.

Hanis Irdina

(an average student)

Assalamulaikum and bye!