No More Us🍂

 I miss who we used to be.

It’s almost been 4 years since I started studying in Palam. I still remember the first time I came here,  completely alone, not knowing anyone. Luckily, I managed to survive. I'm grateful that I met kind people along the way.

But sometimes, in the quiet moments, my mind drifts back to you. There was a time when we did everything together — from staying up late together, eating together, laughing over the dumbest things, hanging out like we had all the time in the world. We were always there for each other. But somewhere along the way, things changed. 

It started when I ended up in a different course than you all. From then on, I started feeling left out — not intentionally at first, maybe. You all still had each other. And I was just... left behind. No more birthday wishes, no more random texts just to check up on me, no more of our usual silly chaos. From seeing or texting each other every single day, to maybe once, twice, or not even once in a year. Until now, no news from you. I held on for years, hoping things would go back to how we were. But it is just my imagination. It hurts. It still does. It breaks me seeing you all still together. It breaks me into pieces seeing you all hang out together. People say, “if they don’t invite you, don’t go.” And maybe they’re right. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. And not even one of you texted me, asking me whether I'm okay or not. No “how are you?” texts, no sign that you still care. I'm hoping for a message. But there was nothing. You had a choice to reach out to me, to include me, to check up on me. But you didn’t. 

It feels like we're worlds apart now.

It feels like I'm the only one holding onto the pieces while you guys have moved on.

I guess I just wanted to say… I miss us. I miss me when I was with you. But maybe some things are just meant to stay as memories. I finally left the group. It took me years. But I had to, for my own peace.  I’m tired of waiting for people who never looked back.

Because no effort means no interest.

Hanis Irdina,

a friend you used to call mine